how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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