Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
