She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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