SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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