TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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