I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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