mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
