Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
