next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize