Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
