I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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