dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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