Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
