I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
