This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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