every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
