Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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