I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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