Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
