I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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