i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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