Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
