is your mom at the bar?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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