that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
