people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
