I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize