just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
