oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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