well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
