my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
