Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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