Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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