i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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