rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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