She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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