i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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