I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
