We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
