even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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