it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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