My friends, they love my intelligence
She's JV to your varsity
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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