shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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