you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
two words: eviction party
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
