I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
barbara walters just said penis...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come on in and take your pants off
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
