.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
