i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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