i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
