I think my vagina is haunted
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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