My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
