Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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