I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
