Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
