My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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