I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
