Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
