His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
