i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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