Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize