Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
