never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
