Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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