you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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