You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
