Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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