If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
