The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
