I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
