I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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