he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
