I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
