what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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