btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
