sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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