[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
