Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
