Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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