god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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