after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize