hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
