Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
