Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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