So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
why do cheetos always look like penises
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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