just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
