I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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