My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
