My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
