Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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