is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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