Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
