It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
