someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
