my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
