I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
